Just a little story.

September 19, 2010

It’s actually my fractured fairytale I wrote for class.  Enjoy?

Large Blue Driving Hood

Once upon a time, a man named Large Blue Driving Hood lived in a small town named Fine. He was, as his name suggests, quite large, with arms as thick as tree trunks. Everyone in this town felt fine, except Driving Hood, who longed to be a big rig driver. His mother, who lived with him, wanted him to be a lawyer. One day, after a heated argument with her, she finally gave in, and Driving Hood set out to the headquarters of Big Stuff, Inc. with his résumé.

It was a nice day, with a few clouds scattered in the sky. The sun smiled down on everything, and people walking outside smiled right back at it. Parrots chirped songs Lady Gaga had taught them and people hummed right along with them. It was a perfect temperature, and felt neither too hot nor too cold for a leisurely stroll. Cars zipped by on the highway, and the people inside didn’t seem to have time to spare a glance for the poetic landscape.

Big Stuff, Inc. was a long drive, about 852 miles away. At a rest stop, he carefully extracted himself from his Prius to take a potty break. An oddly young granny in a conspicuously bright pink dress was standing outside of the bathroom. She introduced herself to him.

“Hi, I’m Young Granny,” she tittered.

“Huh,” Driving Hood grunted.

“Yes, that’s my name. What’s your name? What brings you here? Where are you headed? Is that your car? My dear, how do you fit in it?” Young Granny demanded.

“Mum told me not to talk to strangers,” Driving Hood muttered with a glance over his shoulder, as if his mother was watching him from his car.

“Oh, never mind your mother,” Young Granny snapped. “Just answer my questions.”

Driving Hood grunted again and pushed Young Granny aside from the entrance to the bathroom. He entered and went into a stall. Young Granny didn’t take kindly to being ignored and locked the door to the bathroom and hobbled over to Driving Hood’s car. She picked the lock, shuffled through his file of papers, hot-wired his car and started to drive off to Big Stuff, Inc.

Seemingly unhampered by the locked door, Driving Hood barged through it, and was met by the screech of car wheels as his own car was driven away. He threw an unfortunate man from his Lamborghini, and sped off after Young Granny. Young Granny easily sped out of the larger man’s view. Frustrated, he kept the pedal floored anyways, and never saw the speed dip below 120 MPH.

Upon her arrival at Big Stuff, Inc., Young Granny pulled out a flesh mask and masterfully painted it to resemble Big Stuff, Inc.’s head honcho, who was a rather chubby man. She marched into the CEO’s office, knocked him unconscious, and stuffed him in his own closet.

Driving Hood, on the other hand, had a minor car accident in which he lost all memory of Young Granny but remembered that he was heading to Big Stuff, Inc. When he arrived, he went straight to the CEO’s office. He read the name plate on the desk, which read Big B. Wolf.

“Mr. Wolf, what girly arms you have!” he exclaimed.

“All the same for writing,” Young Granny responded.

“Mr. Wolf, what a girly voice you have!” Driving Hood observed.

“All the same for talk – oh, forget it,” Young Granny sighed with exasperation. She jumped out from behind the desk and smacked Driving Hood with a baton. He collapsed, unconscious. Just then, a security guard that was observing what was happening through the security camera rushed into the room, and began to fence Young Granny with his baton. Young Granny defeated him and knocked him unconscious as well. She stole the guard’s stun gun and everyone’s wallets and turned to leave.

As she left, she tased the stirring Driving Hood in his goodie bag. As she watched him flop around like a fish, she stated, “And that is why you must be courteous to strangers. Au revoir, honey.”

Er, so that was it.

One comment

  1. interesting story. :) 2nd para is really good.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: